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John Ashcroft Translations
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If anyone would like to add, modify or delete their listing(s) in the gallery, simply e-mail us and we will do so. If you find yourself spurred to create a translation of your favorite politician's rhetoric, please submit an MP3 so we can expand the gallery.

Those who are easily offended by heavy doses of irony should probably leave now. You may also hear the occasional cuss word in some translations: you have been warned.
Partisan Jab vol.1 (Ashcroft Fear Remix) (3:13, QuickTime Player required)
Creator: Jason Woliner
Source Material: Unknown
It's the change of context that counts!
Ashcroft Patriot Summer (:52, 311K)
Creator: Dept. of Corrections
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "Other kinds of criminal behavior will probably be added to the arsenal of weapons to be employed against freedoms of Americans."
Ashcroft backs himself up on this track, crooning his infamous rendition of "Let the Eagles Soar."

FBI Terror Mix (4:16, 4 MB)
Creator: Dept. of Corrections
Source Material: Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on counterterrorism, June 6, 2002
Favorite Quote: "We will not tolerate the rights of the American people. A free American people will not be in the future."
The rest of the vocals following this intro come courtesy of FBI Director Robert Mueller.

Lying Asscroft (5:08, 4.8 MB)
Creator: Dr. Laniac
Source Material: Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on Bush administration policies on interrogation and torture, June 8, 2004
Ashcroft gets grilled; more a demonstration of his rhetorical weaseling than recontextualization.